Coltrane Lord is a sacred/conscious intimacy and relationship expert and is the bestselling author of “The Kinky Vanilla Love Project” and is working on her second book titled, “Love Avatar.” Coltrane is an advocate for radical self-love and discusses what she calls “the beauty and power of your erotic and expansive soul”. Through her work, she is able to educate, empower and inspire individuals to reignite the lost or forbidden parts of themselves that they may be ashamed to acknowledge or freely discuss through art and the lost practice of indigenous ritual.
She has spent thousands of hours of training in spirituality, sexuality, shadow work. Having worked with hundreds of women (and a handful of men) across the globe, she employs the practice of esoteric wisdom with practical solutions, to provide an in-depth embodiment experience that is rooted in tangible, real-world practices since experiencing her full spiritual awakening in 2016. A married mother of two boys, Coltrane is a leader in the divine feminine movement incorporating the teachings of the Vedas – ancient wisdom considered to be the source of many eastern philosophies including yoga, meditation, and tantra. Coltrane received a degree in psychology at the University of California, Santa Barabara. She is a certified love coach, movement teacher, an accomplished photographer, creator of conscious intimacy techniques, and a Deepak Chopra certified Ayurvedic educator who has traveled to India with him to meet the Dalai Lama.
As a certified love and life coach, what would you say has been the biggest impact that COVID-19 has had on people’s mental health?
Most people need to feel love and connection; have certainty in, or control over, their lives; need a little bit of variety, and need to have a sense of significance. COVID-19 has brought very uncertain times to many people, leaving us disconnected from each other, and limiting the variety of things we can do. Besides the health scare that challenges our fear of mortality, there are also financial, career, relationship, family, political and social unrest that put pressure on our well-being. People have heightened anxiety and depression right now. Many partnerships are dissolving, as couples project on to each other their unprocessed childhood wounds.
What advice can you give that can help people develop mindfulness and serenity during these uncertain times?
The best advice I can give those who are suffering from anxiety is to use this opportunity to take the inward journey of self-reflection and learn the mindful approach to letting go of the illusion of control. When we let go of the things we cannot change and focus on the present moment, we reduce stress considerably.
To find serenity during a stressful moment, first, stop at the moment of stress and simply observe your stressful experience. Note how you feel in your body, is there shaking? Are you thinking too much? Are you sweating? Name these feelings. Then take deep breaths into your diaphragm and focus on each inhale and exhale to stay in the present moment. This allows one’s overthinking mind to relax and focus on the “now.” When we focus on our past unprocessed stress, we feel anger or resentment, and when we anticipate unprocessed stress about the future, we feel anxiety. The breath allows us to focus on the present moment and we can reflect and respond to situations, versus react in unhealthy ways.
To be proactive and build serenity into your lifestyle, you can carve out time for each of the following important aspects of well-being:
1) Get enough sleep, as it is important in reducing stress and anxiety.
2) Start a meditation practice each morning and evening for twenty minutes each to allow the critical mind a break. Eventually, this gap in thought will allow your expansive mind to emerge to create or solve problems.
3) Move your body with a walk-in nature, exercise, or yoga. Your body holds memories of stress in the muscles and fascia. Moving stress out of the body through exercise makes room for a coherent field of thriving energy to take its place.
4) Tend to your emotional body by giving yourself permission to grieve or express what you need to express in a safe place. Emotions are just energy in motion. If we bottle things up, we will explore later. Journaling, a dance break, screaming at trees, punching a pillow, or letting your tears fall to the earth are all very healthy ways of expressing your emotions. Remember that your partner, children, and friends are not responsible for your emotions, so an inanimate object to express to is preferable.
5) Eat nutritious and healthy foods. This seems obvious, but people (especially during times of stress) do not treat their bodies with respect. Your body is your vehicle in this lifetime, and nourishment is your fuel. Your body is also your instrument, and to keep it in tune, it needs to be nourished and cared for.
This is a necessary act of radical self-love, not self-absorption. Your soul, family, friends, and purpose needs you to be your best self.
6) Start tuning into the rhythms of nature like rising and setting with the sun. We forget that nature gives us the greatest wisdom. The sun and moon come up as scheduled, the trees and plants will rejuvenate even after destructive fires or hurricanes, we rely on the water, the elements, and the food that She provides. Mother Nature heals, so put your bare feet to absorb her heartbeat and attune to the Earth’s Schumann Resonance (7.83hz) to get your mind aligned with Alpha and Theta Waves that are stress-reducing.
7) Give yourself permission to tap into that soulful part of yourself that is connected to the beautiful and numinous Quantum Realm of infinite potential. When we attune to something much greater than ourselves we start to serve in a grander way.
8) Be grateful. For everything.
Many relationships have been struggling to adjust to the quarantine period. What advice can you give to couples who are finding it difficult to quarantine?
This is the perfect time to look at the foundation of your relationship and recommit to your growth as individuals and as a couple. These are tough times, most couples who are finding difficulty during this pandemic are in the crucible of their partnership.
It is a choice to see these challenges as an opportunity that both of you need to agree to.
It is wise to remember that you or your partner did not cause the pandemic and that everyone on the planet is being affected by it. So no blaming or receiving blame. The triggers that most couples are experiencing are not really about the other person, but our own triggers based on patterns we learned growing up. Now that we don’t have work or entertainment distractions, we have more time and space to mirror each other, and each other’s problems.
So before you find the urge to blame or defend, take a moment to observe how your parents reacted with each other and what patterns you adopted. Was there avoidance, blame, defense, pleasing, or heightened aggression? If each of you takes ownership of your own triggers during stressful times you can own your responses with more grace and ease.
What would you say are the main three aspects that people should consider when it comes to encouraging and showing support to those in your personal and professional life who have been impacted during these stressful times?
You can offer support to those who have been greatly impacted by these stressful times by offering them a coherent field to settle in. This means you work on yourself to reduce your own stress before engaging with another person or persons. Just like kids who stub their toe, they will run to the parent who has the most coherent field to recalibrate before they run off to play again.
Another act of kindness or grace would be to anticipate their needs and act on them so they have less on their plate. Do they need food delivered? A monetary gift? Someone to talk to, or help with the children? When people are processing their stress, they often forget the daily needs that offer them foundational support. Check-in with them constantly. Sometimes people under stress do not know how to ask for help and are too caught up with their pressures.
Send a text, don’t wait for them to reach out to you. If they do not respond, assume that they are busy or too sad to respond. “Just checking in, no need for response,” is a great way to tell someone you are thinking about them.
Many professionals believe that self-love is one of the most important aspects to focus on at the present time. Why do you believe that is?
Self-love is the most important aspect to focus on at all times, and the truth of this is amplified during stressful times. A reminder that self-love is not the same as self-centeredness, which is a narrow view of the world. Self-love is understanding that your mind, body, heart, soul, and spirit must be in the highest vibration in order to help others with the same powerful and empowering impact. Like airlines asking you to put on the oxygen mask before helping others, a self-love is an act of service to others. We are energetic beings that can pick up on fear, so keeping your whole self in balance is the best way to inspire and empower others through the templating of your wholeness.
On a final note, what’s one important aspect that you believe people should takeaway after the global pandemic? What’s an important lesson to remember?
I believe the important message that Mother Nature is trying to tell us through this pandemic is to truly understand how we are interrelated to the Earth and each other. We have been given a great opportunity and time to look within to see what truly matters to each of us.
The stresses of disconnection show me that connectedness, not separateness is important to our global society, and we each do our part. . So love the Earth that we take so much for granted, and love humanity for the connected souls that we are, instead of focusing on the things that separate us. Be kind to each other.